Monday, May 23, 2011

My Life, the Three Ringed Circus

This is what it has become. When I first took on Sweet Pea Cake Co. I knew it would be a challenge, but I thought I was up for it. I could totally balance this new business while still being the mom and wife that my children and husband deserved. WRONG! Big fat, wrong. Little did I know being a business owner is ALL consuming. It's what I think about when I wake up ( who I need to call back, or email that day, what orders do I have, did I forget any?) and sadly, what consumes my thoughts when I lay down at night. The difference with doing this from home, and now having a real business, is overhead. I HAVE to take on crazy amounts of orders just to make a decent profit. Crazy amounts of orders means lots of time... Between baking, decorating, dealing with customers, cleaning up my cake messes, trips down the shop, all the PAPER WORK....I have had ZERO time for me, and little quality time for my family. What I thought would be a part time gig has easily become a full time job. My children miss me, my husband misses me, my house screams to be organized and clean again! I miss my weekends. I haven't had one in a very, very long time. I have gained weight, my blood pressure is high, and I am grouchy. It was a few weeks ago, when I had a total mental breakdown, tears and all, that my wonderful husband asked me a very honest question. "Honey, how is this benefiting our family?" My answer, after some thought was, "it's not." It's not at all. I REALLY wanted to believe it would somehow. It sounds like such a dream come true when you can take a talent, and make money from it - but what I didn't realize was that by doing so, my family life was paying the ultimate price. Madeline, our straight A girl, had 3 C's on her mid-quarter report. That was the last straw for me, and I decided it was time to sell Sweet Pea Cake Company. I need to be the kind of mom that my children deserve to have, and the wife who supports her husbands calling as provider, not one who competes with it.
Sweet Pea has been a blessing to me at a time in my life when I really needed to be distracted. It came when my heart was broken from the loss of our precious baby. I truly believe the Lord gave me this short distraction to allow my heart to heal. I needed something else that was just "mine" to nurture and focus on. Sweet Pea was in many ways, my baby. Looking back, I can see that now. Looking forward, I am ready to channel that energy back in to my sweet family. I needed time to heal, time to gain some perspective. I have learned more in the past year, than I have in the past ten. More about myself, than I ever wanted to know! What I do know, is that my family means more to me than life itself. That my relationship with them is what I take with me when I die. It's not the cake business, or any other trivial success in life. I choose them over everything else. I will forever be grateful for Sweet Pea. I have learned so much, met some wonderful people, and I do know I blessed the lives of others because of it. Now, it is time to get back to blessing my family.
As of June 1st, Sweet Pea will have a new owner. Her name is Lorena, and we have been getting to know one another well the past few weeks. This is her passion, and she is at the time in her life when she can give this her all (and not feel guilty about!) I will still make the occasional cake for Lorena when she needs help. I am just looking forward to choosing when I make the cakes, and making it more of a hobby again.
Thanks to all my amazing friends and family for your support over the past four months. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for sure. I appreciate so much, all of your words of encouragement and love! I have told some of my friends and family. Many have expressed how sorry they are that it didn't work out. Please, don't be. It served it's purpose. Be happy for me! It truly is the best thing for my family. It's time to open the next chapter of my crazy life.... :)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The four year old

I'm a little bit in denial that Hayden turned four today. He is just about the sweetest thing in my life (besides cakes), and it makes me sad that the years are passing so quickly. When we found out we were having a boy when I was pregnant with him, we were a little scared. After two girls, and not so good experiences with little boys we had been around, we didn't know what to expect. Boy, (pardon the pun) did he prove us wrong! Hayden is a gentleman in every sense of the word. A natural gentleman. He says please and thank you without prompting. He takes care of his sisters when they are sick by rubbing their backs, and bringing them blankets. He tucks his stuffed animals in at night. He hugs my leg and tells me I am the best mom ever. He is witty, clever, and charming, and so handsome. I guess I have a little bit of a crush on him, but so do most of my friends ;) I have to say his dad has probably rubbed off on him, because Tom is quite the catch himself, but I am so proud to be Hayden's momma. I can't wait to see the kind of man he turns out to be. Happy Birthday Hayden, and thank you for coming to our family! We are SO BLESSED!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Sweet Pea, apple of my eye.

1o reasons why I am now the owner of Sweet Pea Cake Co.

1. My mom always said I was stubburn. She is right.
2. It's a good time to move forward. I am getting older, my kids are getting older.
3. It kind of just fell in my lap, and who am I to pass up such an awesome opportunity?!
4. I really kind of love decorating cakes, and I may even kind of be good at it.
5. It beats paying a $5000 fine for selling cakes out of my home.
6. I thought the logo was really cute. I am happy it is mine now :)
7. My hours are way flexible. It is not a full service bakery despite what some think. I am only down there for a few days a week. I still have plenty of time for my family - which is and always will be my first priority.
8. Tom thinks it's pretty hot to have a wife who owns a business.
9. My kids think it's really "cool".
10. Why NOT?! :)

I have to admit, it has been crazy busy. Orders are piling in, my phone rings all day long, and when I am not baking or decorating I am returning messages. Somewhere in there I am able to fit in laundry, dishes, dinner, and family time, oh - and facebook. I don't sleep much anymore, but sleep is over rated anyway, right? I am happy. I feel really really grateful and humbled for this opportunity. I want to put my all in to it. I meet amazing people in the community that I wouldn't otherwise. I get to do Bridal shows, and cake testings, Prom Fairs and consultations. It is SO much fun. Check out my new website if you haven't already,
I have felt overwhelming support and love from my family and friends. Thank you!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The road not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

I have contemplated this poem a lot lately. In all honesty, I haven't read it in it's entirety since High School, but the words keep echoing in my brain today. I am at a pretty major crossroads in my life right now. Trying to figure out which path to take, and it's no easy task. After losing our baby in October, I struggled with the decision to either try for another, or to be done. I can't say I am 100% sure either way at this point, but we are leaning towards being done. Now that this reality has hit me- that my youngest will be starting school next year, it has begged the question, what now?? Although, I admire and appreciate women who can continue to stay at home once their children are all in school. I am not the sort that can be content with cleaning house, and volunteering at the school every day. It's just not me. I love my children, and my family, but I yearn for more. I have a creative itch, that really itches. I have found relief from this in my home cake business, but ...I still yearn for more! This week, out of the blue, I had the owner from The Sweet Pea Cake Company here in the Springs email me. In her email she had said that she had seen my work on Craigslist for a while now (where I advertise from time to time), and she has been impressed with my skill and talent. She said her business of 5 years is up for sale, because she now has a 2 year old and an 8 month old at home, and she can't handle it all anymore. She wants to focus on her growing family right now. She wants me to take over her business. Me. Me?!! It boggles my mind that this complete stranger hunted me down, to pass on this opportunity. (And get this, her 2 year old's name is Callie). So, you're probably all thinking...go for it!! Awesome! What a great opportunity to follow your dreams! And I have to agree with you, but then there is the fear, the uncertainty, the effect a change like this will have on our family dynamic. I will be much, much more busy than I even am right now. Is that possible?! I just want to do what is right for my family. I struggle with the ideal that a woman's place is in the home, because there are days where I totally agree with that! I have been that woman for 12 years. Yet, I know if I stay at home and let my dreams pass me by, I will live with regrets. I will continue to pray, and hope that the answer will come, and that whatever I decide will truly be the right path for me and my family.... Thoughts?