Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The road not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

I have contemplated this poem a lot lately. In all honesty, I haven't read it in it's entirety since High School, but the words keep echoing in my brain today. I am at a pretty major crossroads in my life right now. Trying to figure out which path to take, and it's no easy task. After losing our baby in October, I struggled with the decision to either try for another, or to be done. I can't say I am 100% sure either way at this point, but we are leaning towards being done. Now that this reality has hit me- that my youngest will be starting school next year, it has begged the question, what now?? Although, I admire and appreciate women who can continue to stay at home once their children are all in school. I am not the sort that can be content with cleaning house, and volunteering at the school every day. It's just not me. I love my children, and my family, but I yearn for more. I have a creative itch, that really itches. I have found relief from this in my home cake business, but ...I still yearn for more! This week, out of the blue, I had the owner from The Sweet Pea Cake Company here in the Springs email me. In her email she had said that she had seen my work on Craigslist for a while now (where I advertise from time to time), and she has been impressed with my skill and talent. She said her business of 5 years is up for sale, because she now has a 2 year old and an 8 month old at home, and she can't handle it all anymore. She wants to focus on her growing family right now. She wants me to take over her business. Me. Me?!! It boggles my mind that this complete stranger hunted me down, to pass on this opportunity. (And get this, her 2 year old's name is Callie). So, you're probably all thinking...go for it!! Awesome! What a great opportunity to follow your dreams! And I have to agree with you, but then there is the fear, the uncertainty, the effect a change like this will have on our family dynamic. I will be much, much more busy than I even am right now. Is that possible?! I just want to do what is right for my family. I struggle with the ideal that a woman's place is in the home, because there are days where I totally agree with that! I have been that woman for 12 years. Yet, I know if I stay at home and let my dreams pass me by, I will live with regrets. I will continue to pray, and hope that the answer will come, and that whatever I decide will truly be the right path for me and my family.... Thoughts?