Monday, May 23, 2011

My Life, the Three Ringed Circus

This is what it has become. When I first took on Sweet Pea Cake Co. I knew it would be a challenge, but I thought I was up for it. I could totally balance this new business while still being the mom and wife that my children and husband deserved. WRONG! Big fat, wrong. Little did I know being a business owner is ALL consuming. It's what I think about when I wake up ( who I need to call back, or email that day, what orders do I have, did I forget any?) and sadly, what consumes my thoughts when I lay down at night. The difference with doing this from home, and now having a real business, is overhead. I HAVE to take on crazy amounts of orders just to make a decent profit. Crazy amounts of orders means lots of time... Between baking, decorating, dealing with customers, cleaning up my cake messes, trips down the shop, all the PAPER WORK....I have had ZERO time for me, and little quality time for my family. What I thought would be a part time gig has easily become a full time job. My children miss me, my husband misses me, my house screams to be organized and clean again! I miss my weekends. I haven't had one in a very, very long time. I have gained weight, my blood pressure is high, and I am grouchy. It was a few weeks ago, when I had a total mental breakdown, tears and all, that my wonderful husband asked me a very honest question. "Honey, how is this benefiting our family?" My answer, after some thought was, "it's not." It's not at all. I REALLY wanted to believe it would somehow. It sounds like such a dream come true when you can take a talent, and make money from it - but what I didn't realize was that by doing so, my family life was paying the ultimate price. Madeline, our straight A girl, had 3 C's on her mid-quarter report. That was the last straw for me, and I decided it was time to sell Sweet Pea Cake Company. I need to be the kind of mom that my children deserve to have, and the wife who supports her husbands calling as provider, not one who competes with it.
Sweet Pea has been a blessing to me at a time in my life when I really needed to be distracted. It came when my heart was broken from the loss of our precious baby. I truly believe the Lord gave me this short distraction to allow my heart to heal. I needed something else that was just "mine" to nurture and focus on. Sweet Pea was in many ways, my baby. Looking back, I can see that now. Looking forward, I am ready to channel that energy back in to my sweet family. I needed time to heal, time to gain some perspective. I have learned more in the past year, than I have in the past ten. More about myself, than I ever wanted to know! What I do know, is that my family means more to me than life itself. That my relationship with them is what I take with me when I die. It's not the cake business, or any other trivial success in life. I choose them over everything else. I will forever be grateful for Sweet Pea. I have learned so much, met some wonderful people, and I do know I blessed the lives of others because of it. Now, it is time to get back to blessing my family.
As of June 1st, Sweet Pea will have a new owner. Her name is Lorena, and we have been getting to know one another well the past few weeks. This is her passion, and she is at the time in her life when she can give this her all (and not feel guilty about!) I will still make the occasional cake for Lorena when she needs help. I am just looking forward to choosing when I make the cakes, and making it more of a hobby again.
Thanks to all my amazing friends and family for your support over the past four months. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for sure. I appreciate so much, all of your words of encouragement and love! I have told some of my friends and family. Many have expressed how sorry they are that it didn't work out. Please, don't be. It served it's purpose. Be happy for me! It truly is the best thing for my family. It's time to open the next chapter of my crazy life.... :)